yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
