Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
