Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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