I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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