she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
