toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize