We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dick very happy bro
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
