Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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