glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
