His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
