well I can't set my house on fire every night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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