my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
