11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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