I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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