And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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