I swear she didn't look like that last week.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
