I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He better not be in your backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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