I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
