it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
