Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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