i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Randomize
