I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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