Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
