i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
