genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
