i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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