Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
