I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
