ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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