woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
