$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
