I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
