Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you will always have a special place in my vag
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
