So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
