got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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