Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Someone signed my nipple.
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