The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
