Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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