grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize