Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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