He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
