were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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