dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
