I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
