you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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