If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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