I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
