You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
