apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
