I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
