theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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