I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
