Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
