You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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