Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
