before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
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he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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