At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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