The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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