i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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