My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my poor anus
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
