Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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