At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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