My hand turned me down
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
