apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
