Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
