we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
