stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
