I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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