So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
