I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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