my mouth tastes like poor choices
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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